Are you in control of your life?

All my life I consistently had one dream: to be a vessel for divine to fill me, guide me and use me in service to humanity and our world. I want to experience my own magnificence and truth and be an agent to raise our collective consciousness, so badly. This is so big, it’s kind of intimidation, my mind fed me and I kept telling myself: “You have wasted most of your time so far and now is too late, there is not just enough time to learn and acquire all the necessary knowledge and skills you need. You were born in the wrong place and come from an ordinary family so that sort of thing may not be for you. Just deal with it and appreciate what you have”. So I kept avoiding and ignoring and procrastinating. I ran away from my dream rather than toward it.

But very recently I came to know that actually our dreams are closer to us than we think! I’m gonna show you the proof here.

All my life I have studied with passion because I believed knowledge is the requirement for greatness. I gained a PhD degree, got an academic job but still I was miserable, even more so than before! So, I quit and embarked on some other courses and training. These are fulfilling but still many days I feel overwhelmed with the amount of information available and it’s just not possible to caught up with all that I want, besides I want to create a career for myself and it’s time demanding and challenging. so I have to run, I have to find strategies to increase efficiency, I have to work harder and set specific goals with deadlines and all this crap, you know well. This left me with a busy mind and little efficiency. It made me feel powerless and not in control of my own life. Then I started to not-do!

In the not-doing, in our separation from our mental stories, in the space between the internal and the external world, the magic happens. That’s our holy ground. Right here in front of us 24/7. But we dismiss it running after this and that, struggling to get more qualified, knowledgeable and better than. Not noticing in this battle, we are always the loser, no matter what and without negotiation. Of course, we may acquire knowledge and skills and get a better job and all that. But in the big picture, in compare to what was possible only if we dropped into not-doing, if we paid attention to the sacred ground between our internal and external world, it’s not even possible to compare.

I am very new to officially practice not-doing, even though mentally I knew the concept for couple of years now. I even had the Lao Tzu quote framed on my office desk:

“In the pursuit of knowledge, every day something is added. In the practice of enlightenment, everyday something is dropped. Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way. It can’t be gained by interfering.”

Yet unfortunately, the social conditioning of doing is deeply ingrained in us and the not-doing sounds ridiculous and counter intuitive. During the past couple of years, I was tried the not-doing occasionally and every time it brought me intense amount of peace but at the end of the day I was worried about what is left undone and I was back on my hamster wheel. Very recently I have begun to fully trust. When I heard: “Falling + Trust = Flying” it made sense to me and I told myself what the heck, what do I have to lose? Let’s dive in. So rather than pushing myself to get done as much as possible in a day, I opted to just sit on my chair in a meditative state and feel my body, connect and tune in with myself and my surroundings without worrying about time and whenever an impulse for doing something came up, get up and just do that thing. You know what? Since I have started this, my days became really productive and I am getting more done in my days than before! Some days I am doing less in terms of quantity but way higher in terms of quality. Most importantly I feel powerful and totally in control of my life. Not to mention the peace and spaciousness that entered my daily life. It’s the most delicious bonus and progress. After all that’s the ultimate thing we all want to have in our lives, isn’t it? It’s in this peace and spaciousness that our creativity flourishes and we are inspired to finally do the great things we desire.

In the past two days while sitting in this state I dared to grab a spoon and see if I can bend it by dropping into the state of love and oneness [1]. To my surprise, the strong stainless steel spoon felt as soft and malleable in my hands as a piece of aluminium foil! What’s the implication of this? It means I am already a vessel for divine! It means the divine force has filled me and is operating through me, without my effort! Just because I have let go of all my self-initiated plans, suspended all my agenda, let go and detached from the outcome and just TRUSTED. Tada! Magic has happened without me meditating for thousands of hours or having any special ability! Actually, I think it’s not magic, we call it magic because we are used to limit ourselves to rational analytical mind and what society at large has fed us. This is the hugest thing that has happened in my life so far. To materially witness I have the power over everything. But this “I” is the “I” who resides in the peace, the “I” who has no agenda, who is detached from all outcomes and who gets no credit for doing anything because it’s just an empty flute allowing the divine force to blow through her. As soon as the other “I” pops up the “I” who sees benefit and derives identity and claims personal power, this “I” disappears.

Now I officially know for sure all of us can achieve whatever we dream, only if we stand in our holy grounds. And certainly, it doesn’t need many hours of learning and hard work and mediation or anything. We just have to get out of our own way and let ourselves to be guided. This way we will learn whatever needs to be learned and it would be joyful and feels effortless rather than overwhelming. As Paulo Coelho said “when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” Let’s do it. Let’s be warrior queens who stick to their holy grounds and get out of their own way to manifest and receive what they are here to offer.



[1] A practice mentioned in chapter four of the book “Finding you way in a wild new world” by Martha Beck.


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