I wish I could put down my heavy, dense, and dark backpack. I wish I could put it down as easy as taking off my clothes. But … this is an inner baggage… I wish I could perform surgery to remove it… This heavy, dense, and dark backpack is pressing on my heart and soul and I am after Light… It’s funny… Even the tiniest amount of light can’t penetrate through this dark matter! Maybe I am lost in illusive hope and false dreams like a blind-born person who wants to visualise the color spectrum of the leaves of a dense autumn forest! So, futile… No matter how much I try to organise, clean, and decorate this heavy, dense, and dark backpack I can’t transform it to Light.
Or maybe I can!
This heavy, dense, and dark backpack is a bomb of energy but…
What shall I do to transform this matter to Light?
Maybe cracking this code is our life purpose
Maybe it was the cracking of this code that made Mansour Halaj say “I AM GOD” and made Rumi drunk of love and Hafiz The Hafiz…
such a pity that this mystery is non-transferrable and non-injectable…
Why don’t you forget about this dream of Light and go about your life like a normal person?
Why don’t you put your energy into building a successful career, becoming a mother, buying your dream home and car and travelling around the world and…
But all of these beautiful things are as cold as the South Pole for me…
What is the truth? What is the truth of my life?
Is this suffocating and painful experience the truth? Or have I become insensitive and blind under the heaviness of this backpack?
From the far depths of my heart I can hear a weak voice whispering: no that’s not the truth. This misery is not the truth.
I am almost ready to gamble my life on this naive voice
I want to see the Truth so badly
I want to become transparent to Light
I want to become Light
“Do you hear my voice? Do you hear my voice from the bottom of this dark cold well?” I shriek back to the whispering voice, crying…
Yes, I am hearing you.
I am hearing you darling breath, slowly slowly
I can’t move I am so tired and drained, is there any hope for my liberation?
Yes, sweetheart your liberation is already guaranteed.
How? I don’t understand?
Honey, the only thing you need to do is to put me in charge and don’t allow fear to interfere.
And let me tell you, it is not a one-off action, it’s a continuous process throughout your life.
What are you talking about? Who are you?
I am Love and I am talking about choosing Love over fear in every moment of your life.
You know me. I am everywhere, I am soft, light, transparent, porous, playful, kind, warm and all inclusive. On the contrary, fear is hard, heavy, dark, dense, serious, blaming, cold and judgmental
Oh… I get it… but… I am still afraid.
Afraid of what darling?
Afraid of losing my identity and entering the world of uncertainty and not knowing. As If due to the inertia and being crushed under a heavy burden, I am becoming a suspended feather in the thin air. A feather which doesn’t know or have a certain path to follow… and in every moment, it’s responsible for its next move because it should actively choose Love. Love doesn’t have a trajectory. This is scary. What if I fall asleep? What if I fall behind?
Are you choosing fear over Love again?
You are right but what shall I do? I am scared.
I see you sweetheart. Let me hold your hand and walk you every step of the way. Trust me and don’t think about the future, celebrate this moment, we will move together moment by moment by moment
In the middle of my life I dedicate all of me to Love and I invest all my trust on her
In the middle of my life I have become like a toddler learning to walk
This is the biggest gamble of my life
But what do I have to lose?
Life under the heavy burden of a dark and dense backpack in the bottom of a frozen well of isolation, or the soft, light and childlike life, hand in hand with Love in a path to Liberation?